You dropped hints since summer time that you were expecting an engagement ring and marriage proposal from him — soon. You thought for sure it was going to happen during Thanksgiving since he asked you to come home with him to meet the family. It didn’t happen. You thought for sure he would pop the question Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. It didn’t happen, but, you did get a very nice sweater from him. New Year’s Eve, you thought to yourself — that’s when he is going to propose. That didn’t happen either. Is he really that dense that he didn’t pick up on all your hints or is marriage the furthest thing from his mind? The only way to find out is to ask him point blank!
Ok, yes, it is a very uncomfortable subject to bring up, but, if your expectations are to get married and have a family, it is far better to find out sooner opposed to later that he isn’t on the same page as you. Yes, this is a very harsh reality to face, but, if marriage is your bottom line, and, his bottom line is not to get married (or at least not get married to you) then you need to cut your losses, give yourself plenty of time to grieve the loss, and, find someone with the same goal as marriage as you.
The best way to approach him to ask this delicate question is to give yourself time to cool down (since you are probably hot under the collar that he didn’t propose.) Allow time to collect your thoughts and what you want to say to him. Additionally, keep in mind when you do confront him on the subject that deadlines and ultimatums may not work and may result in just the opposite of what you want to happen. And, whatever you do throw the fact that all your friends got engaged over the holidays in his face — this is truly a weak and desperate point to bring up because this relationship is between the two of you, not the two of you plus your friends!
Instead you’ll want to say something along the lines of “Jim, I need to talk to you about our relationship. We’ve been dating for two years now, and, I really want to start getting my life in order, and, start thinking of a family of my own. I really love you, but, I was deeply hurt that you didn’t ask me to marry you over the holidays, and, while this is as uncomfortable for me as it is for you. I need to know if you ever plan on marrying me?”
Wording is important here. Don’t immediately place blame on him, do tell him your goals and expectations, and, do ask in point blank fashion if he is ever going to propose marriage. If he does everything but answer you directly, then you know then and there that he has no intention of going to the next level (at least with you) and getting married. At this point is perfectly acceptable to say something along the lines of “I can see you are skirting the issue by not giving me a direct answer, and, while it is breaking my heart to tell you this — I don’t think we should see each other any more. I want to get married. I want to have a family of my own. Clearly this isn’t as important to you as it is to me, and, I don’t want to force you into a situation that we’ll both regret later. So it is best if we break-up and move on to other people.”
While there is a very slight chance this might change his mind, you need to be 100% ready to really let him go if you want to get married and he doesn’t see it in his future. Anything less is a waste of your time and energy. It won’t be easy and you may not be ready to date anyone else for a very long time, but, after a period of grieving the loss of the relationship, you’re going to start noticing the opposite sex again, and, you’ll finally be ready to date and find Mr. Right — and hopefully this time you find a keeper that wants to keep you too!