You want to get married, but, it is the furthest thing from his mind or maybe you think she’s spending far too much time with her family and friends and not enough time with you or maybe he’s helping support his elderly parents and you think he should be saving every dime for the two of you or maybe she’s the ultimate workaholic. Whatever the case might be, you feel like you’re at your wits end, and, that nothing seems to work to get through to the other person. You then decide to lay down the gauntlet and issue a relationship ultimatum, but, is it the right thing to do?
Unless you’re very serious and can and will absolutely walk away from the relationship, ultimatums rarely work. Why? The very same reason you can lead a horse to water, but, you can’t make him drink. The other person has a mind of their own, and, what they consider important and priorities in their lives just don’t line up with your beliefs and ideas and priorities. Issuing an ultimatum will not draw you closer, and, in almost all cases, you will receive the polar opposite effects of what you want to see happen.
For example, if you’re telling him that you better be engaged on or before Christmas or you’ll break up with him, you better be ready to walk away and not look back on December 26th! Why? It’s oblivious he doesn’t want to marry you. If he wanted to marry you, he would ask and he would be giving you hints he was ready to ask by talking about the future and using terms like “when we have kids.” If you force someone into marrying you, chances significantly rise that you’re going to up divorced anyhow because the other person felt pressured to marry you and underneath it all, really didn’t want to marry — you!!
The same holds true with family situations. If he’s forcing you to chose between him and your family, and, he has given you an ultimatum, stick with your family. They are the people that truly love you. Only the most selfish, self-centered narcissist wouldn’t allow someone to see their family or invite their family to their home for holidays and special occasions like birthdays. If you’re on the receiving end of family ultimatum let the person go, you’ll be far better off in the long run. This type of person will just continue to bully you to get his or her way! No relationship that manipulates in this manner is worth saving. Instead, save yourself and get away from this type of person as fast as possible! Yes, even if you’re married. Do want your children to learn these tactics or be effected by these tactics? No, of course not! Get out of the relationship now and don’t look back!