Imagine having a child(ren) with the most adoring of partners. Being able to share in the child care responsibilities, the raising them up emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Imagine celebrating this miracle with your families without having to question their joy for you.
Now imagine being an LGBTQI couple raising the same child(ren) in a climate that speaks acceptance but practices exclusion. Imagine going to the Pediatricians office and filling out paperwork that asks for mother and fathers name. Imagine going to your family gathering and being asked; where is their other parent in the face of the partner.
Now put yourself in the shoes of the child(ren) who play on the playground together but don’t get invited home because they aren’t “like everyone else”, they have no clear conforming family unit. What about your school age children who have to endure creating gifts for moms and dads that don’t exist because their are two moms or two dads, or single parents.
How does this make it easier to express the truth to your child about your “Gayness”. What if you are still questioning, what do you share with your 4 year old about who you might love? How do you explain, no mommy, no daddy?
First off you yourself have to reconcile your life in the context of the environment within which you are growing up and raising your child(ren) in. If you are of a certain age you might not have a model or context for which to retreat to for explanation. You might have to create your own then teach it to your family.
So, how old is the proper age to tell a child you are Gay? Experts might suggest you wait until the child is at least psychologically equipped to handle the information without it being influenced by their lack of understanding. Or perhaps you share the truth early enough so they don’t perceive there to be a problem later on? There is not a good answer because all children are different, no two alike, even twins.
Ask yourself, what is the final outcome you wish to achieve with this big reveal? If you said complete authenticity, all the time, then you know your answer. What if you felt a need to shield the child from the extended world where not everyone was embracing your orientation? As you can see, this can become a dilemma.
Always think about the impact of your actions. Sharing in the privacy of your own home will have to suffice. Spreading love in acceptance will allow you to be on an ever changing continuum that makes acceptance possible.