Can one really understand a disengaging couple in love who commit the unforgiving act of adultery? The one in a dating relationship may state, “but we are not married”, the one in a marital relationship may state, “he is no longer there for me.” Yet, another may say, ” who cares, she is not even able to perform now.”
Given the strictures upon which the institution of marriage rests (and upon which many marry), the opposing act of adultery contradicts beyond the tenants. “…everyone who keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 “… whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9
What other forces, beyond lust or passion, could be controlling adultery? Boredom may be dynamic that may lead to adultery. Thinking about boredom, a vast, variety and combination of righteous acts – places – times available to a couple, boredom may no longer be the mediating factor, cause, or excuse for adultery.
Perhaps many couples engage in hurtful fights- only to acquiesce and “make up” using sexual rebound. The couple may even develop a habit of interplaying between fighting and sex. One who may be more sensitive, may perceive a mere disagreement as getting hurt- and use that as justification to seek a more “agreeable” or “loving” partner. Aware or unaware, others may even create a perpetual cycle of false attributions, self-deception, so to be “hurting”, to then justify moving to the next partner. This one seems to be at the verge of contempt, dishonesty, mental retardation or intellectual disability.
Yet there may be those who grew up with community, parental or peer messages; for example, the messages, respectively, may had entailed:
1) ‘try many to find the best gene partner’ (eugenics message),
2) by showing self as sexually active all around one would be proving ones sexual or mental health (i.e., as not being neurotic), or
3) the “score” as many as possible message (a carryover latent – adolescent message about prowess, maturity or fake adulthood).
All of the above seem compulsive, obligatory or de rigueur- seemingly dependent on the outside of the person and related to the self-confidence; impulsivity in adultery may be related to neurochemical imbalances and substance use, underlying the lack of self-control inside the person; while that which contains the lord, heaven, earth, love and the partner create a triangle of the inside’s self-esteem in love, the outside “beyond” and the partner.