When you think of the words exotic dancer, does a booty-shaking sex-fiend come to mind? If you believe the negative stereotypes you hear about exotic dancers, be prepared to learn some shocking secrets about who they really are behind closed doors. Priscilla Silas, known to the world as the incredibly hot lesbian exotic dancer, Pretty P, and her exquisite wife Rosemarie, barred their souls to us and invited us into their world. We recently had a candid, explosive conversation about the realities and complexities of love, passion, trust, loss and what it is really like being married to a lesbian exotic dancer.
If you’ve ever wondered if dancers can be the faithful type, be marriage material, or if their sex lives are better, the answers to that and so much more will be revealed in this article. In this steamy, provocative interview, Rosemarie and Pretty P share some of the most intimate details about their family, relationship, their hot sex life and how they have triumphed over tragedy. This is a true love story that will truly melt your heart and make you believe in the power of true love.
Charla: Rosemarie, what were your biggest fears with marrying an exotic dancer?
Rosemarie: I didn’t have any fears. It was more so me being stereotypical I guess you can say, because as most people think that exotic dancers are very out there…promiscuous …so I thought it was more so that when I initially met her. But as far as really getting to know her, being in a relationship, and being married…I was so wrong (Laughs). It was the furthest thing from the truth about her. I can’t speak about everybody else, but in terms of her (Pretty P) she was very upfront that she was involved in another relationship.
She could have very well told me, “No, I’m not,” but she was very upfront so there were no fears and there are still no fears. I’m very secure in our relationship. Of course she’s out there with thousands of women and some men too that want or fantasize about her but she does her part too by making sure I am comfortable. She keeps in contact with me on a regular basis, especially when she’s out of town and calls me on a regular basis before she gets on stage, while she’s at the club. I’m saying to her, “go ahead, go have fun, I’m good”, and she’ll call me back ten minutes later and then 30 minutes later so we are both secure in our relationship . When she comes home, she comes home to me every night so I’ve never had any fears at all.
Charla: When you guys initially got together, how did you overcome the stereotypes? Was it because of trust? But again, you have to get to that point, so how did you overcome that initially?
Rosemarie: I’d say just getting to know her. In the beginning, she was kind of held in and guarded, but once she feels that she can trust you and you have some loyalty, she opens up a bit more. We would be on the phone all hours of the night so I just knew she wasn’t the typical dancer I’d heard of. I’d never dealt with an exotic dancer before, but I could tell from seeing some of them whether they had a significant other or not, and that they’re very flirtatious. I know it’s a part of the job, but the reason I can tell that this really is part of her job is I don’t see interest in her eyes when she’s doing it. She’s not looking at other women. It was a smooth process for me, but it all starts from being secure within yourself. If I was a person that was insecure, it would probably drive me crazy.
Charla: There’s one thing I was drawn by regarding the two of you. When I saw your wedding, I could tell that Pretty P has been though a lot and that you guys are each other’s rock. That makes you guys as strong as you are.
Rosemarie: Yes, definitely. We have both experienced some of the same losses. We both have lost our maternal mothers and grandmothers so it’s like, you know how the saying goes, “people are put into your life for a reason.” It’s always easy for people to say, “I understand how you feel, it’s going to be ok”, if they’ve never experienced that loss. It was easy for me to tell my mom, “I understand, it’s going to be ok”, when my grandmother passed, but I would never understand it during that time because I still had my mom.
When I lost her, now I understood what she meant. So for her, (Pretty P) for example, she may have all the fans in the world, and I may have a few friends and family members that are here for the moment, but like they say, “When the calls stop, who do you have?” Thank God we were able to be brought into each other’s lives to support each other through our mourning. So you are so correct when you said we are each other’s rock.
We have to be sympathetic to the fact that besides being each other’s rock, we are both women, so we both have emotions. So sometimes, it’s not as easy to express your feelings and emotions. It’s not easy just because you’re in a marriage. Sometimes we’re guarded; we’re women so we hold our emotions in, but we also can feel each other. I can look at her and tell she’s going through something. I don’t have to have her tell me. Or she’ll tell me, “Babe, you’ve been quiet today, what is it… I know it’s something.”
Charla: Exactly. What was the biggest issue the job caused you both in your relationship and how did you get through it?
Pretty P: That’s a hard one (Laughs). Currently, we are battling with the different parenting styles. I can’t say we 100 percent figured it out because I don’t think we have. We bump heads quite a bit when it comes to parenting. Rose is a little bit calmer than me. For one, I’m Latin, and for two, I am a Taurus, and for three, I am just a little bit more old school. I’m only 33, but I have a very old soul. Before I came into the picture fully, my wife worked quite a bit and she was barely at home, but she made sure they (The children) had everything from True Religion to designer shoes but she wasn’t really here.
I think that a lot of things were going on because she wasn’t here. She was too busy trying to provide for them so when I got here, it was like she got back up. My kids are used to getting reprimanded. If you are acting out of pocket, you are going to get checked.
Charla: Who is the one who has boys? We handle boys differently than we do girls. How did you guys mix your family?
Pretty P: She’s got two boys and a girl and I have one of each. I don’t think I am any less strict with either sex. I am an adult and I am a mother and I have a certain amount of rules. It goes for both. I think this is our biggest issue because the way I handle my kids, she would classify as hard and a lot of parents probably would. But I know a lot of parents who are more strict. I don’t require straight A’s, but you’re going to at least be passing. I’m just more old school and she’s more new school if I had to say.
Charla: You guys will get it worked out.
Pretty P: We are figuring it out. We are slowly but surely getting to a happy medium if we can’t agree.
Charla: How did being an exotic dancer affect your sex life?
Rosemarie: If I would’ve known her outside of dancing, we were in a relationship and we were sexually active, I could then say that it’s different or not different, but because I met her as she was still dancing, I can’t really say that (sex) is s better or worse because I haven’t been with anyone but her. I can put it this way I guess…whenever I am with her on some of her shows, I’m like, damn, I am ready to go back to the hotel! (Laughs).
Charla: I was geting to that… is her being a dancer more of a turn-on for you or is it the fact that you see a lot of other people desiring her?
Rosemarie: I think it’s a little bit of both. It’s a little bit of a turn-on to know, like, yeah…all ya’ll want this (laughs). Believe it or not, as long as we have been dealing with each other, I ask her every other special occasion…every blue moon to dance for me. I say, “Babe…just give me a dance,” and she’s like, “Pretty P is left on the stage.” She’s Priscilla at home. I’m like, “C’mon babe, it’s just me,” but she’s not comfortable. I enjoy it because I love my wife, I love her body. I love the way she moves and I love the way she touches me so when I see her being that sensual, it just takes me somewhere.
Pretty P: You’re going to make me go and bust out my costume right now! (Laughs). When I go onstage I have to get into a certain mindset. I’m not Priscilla anymore and that mind frame starts from the minute I walk in. The minute I walk in the club, I’m clocking in. That persona and that head space I have to get into to do what I do will stay that way until I walk out the club. To add on to her answer, I think that I am a passionate, very sexual person as it is, that’s the only reason I am able to bring that to the stage. Pretty P doesn’t make Priscilla.
Priscilla makes Pretty P. I bring that b—h to life and I can whenever I want to. That’s just the kind of person I am and it has put me in a position to elevate myself and my brand in this business because so many of them (the dancers) are alike. They all look the same and they all do the same things. I’m an old school dancer. I’ve been dancing for 15 years now. I started off ten years in the strip club. There wasn’t any throwing people around. It was pure seduction and whoever was the best seductionist could talk a man out of his mortgage or out of his wallet- You were that b—h. I was that b—h! (Laughs). When I came into this industry after working ten years in a nightclub, I was used to working the whole shift and these dancers would dance for 18 minutes.
I get to the stage and these fools are swinging on the ceiling, moonwalking, back flipping, and I’m like, wait a minute…you want me to do what?! I’m like, I am going to do me. I had to bring what I had normally been bringing to this industry which is passion; it’s seduction. It’s being an illusionist and creating a fantasy. It’s about making one woman feel like she’s the only woman in the world in a club full of a thousand women. I’m a passionate woman in general and when I’m on stage, it’s a different kind of passion, it’s more of an illusion.
When I am in the bedroom with my wife, the fire we make is like Alicia Keys in this joint …ya feel me?! (Laughs). I like the candles, the music and I love to take my time but then she gets me so worked up that I just ravish her. I’m like, “Oops babe…I’m sorry, I can’t fight it… I didn’t mean to last only for an hour…I was trying to give you four hours…(Laughs). She excites me but I also think passion also comes from who you’re with, how much you love this person…if you’re in love with this person.
Charla: Pretty P, have you ever had a situation where people in the audience have been disrespectful and challenged your physical boundaries? If so, how did you handle it?
Pretty P: I haven’t had problems with my fans, but I have had quite a bit of problems with the dancers, which is where my nickname, The Boss, comes from. It’s from the beef I had in the industry.
Charla: Did people have a hard time taking your relationship seriously due to your profession?
Pretty P: I have a very loyal set of followers. Some of my followers have been with me for years…since I started. They just want to see me succeed and see me happy. I have a commitment to them and the commitment is hard to bear sometimes because I don’t want to smile, I don’t want to get online and tell people what I am having for lunch today. But I do. My followers and I have been through death. They have seen me cry. They’ve seen me lose my momma. They’ve seen me lose my best friend, and go through heartaches so they are happy that I met somebody that I’m in love with and that I am finally happy.
That’s all they wanted. If I had an opportunity to get on Myspace or Instagram or my Facebook and ask my fans what is the one thing you want for Pretty P, they’d say I want to see her happy. When I am my happiest, that’s when I am at my best. I always tell everybody that I am motivated and fueled by love. I am not motivated by money. I am not motivated by stardom. I don’t have the same motivation like people do who want to make it at the top so that they can be rich. I want to make it to the top so I can take care of my family.
Charla: What are two myths about exotic dancers do you want to squash?
Pretty P: For one, not all of us are hoes. Every time something goes wrong in my relationship or people even sense that something is wrong in my relationship, it’s me. It’s like, I am the hoe, I am the one who has the women. I’m the exotic dancer so I am automatically the player. That’s so far from the truth that it’s not even funny. Another one would be that we are not all the same. They roll us all into a bunch. People say, don’t try to get in a relationship with them…don’t try to marry them… don’t try to settle them down… but that’s not what it is. We are not all the same.
Charla: What do you do to keep your partner feeling secure in your marriage?
Pretty P: I don’t think I do anything special….I am just me. I am a considerate person. I am going to do what I’d want anyone else to do. When I am on the road, I check in periodically. I always call her. She’s like my good luck charm so before I go onstage I call her and say, ‘Give me a kiss.” When I get offstage, I call her again and say, “Hey babe, I just got offstage and I nailed them.” If I call her and tell her I am leaving the club, and I know it is going to take a little longer to get to my room because we are going to stop and eat, I will text her.
When I get to the hotel, a lot of the times, we end up Skyping. She has her phone set up and I normally have my IPad and I stand it up next to the bed and that is how we go to sleep. That’s the only way we can go to bed together. A lot of people look at me and think I am this player, a thug, or I am mean, but I know how to take care of my woman.
Charla: So you’re proactive…
Pretty P: If I have to do a little extra, I don’t mind. I don’t keep a lot of friends. My wife is my friend. I involve her in quite a bit so she won’t feel left out. She’s a part of my life so she’s getting quite a lot of attention because she is with somebody who has attention. It’s not the Pretty P show because I have a family; I have a wife. I put up a video with her and allow my fans to get to know her- not just hearing about her through me. She has access to all of my Facebook, Instagram, and Gmail and has all of the passwords. I have nothing to hide.
Charla: Were there any rules that you put in place before getting married?
Pretty P: Rose and I are two strong signs: she’s a Leo and I am a Taurus. It can be very heated when we aren’t on good terms. We’ve had some really bad moments to where we thought we weren’t going to make it. We kind of went over some things we didn’t like. I will tell you one, and I’ll let her tell you one thing she didn’t like. One of the main things I hated was that every time we’d get into it, she’d leave. I don’t like it. I like to handle my problems at home. One time we were into it, she sped off, got into an accident and almost died.
She broke a tree in half, flipped the car three times and missed a brick wall. I didn’t like that. I notice that we break a lot of our rules. We say we aren’t going to do something, like… we aren’t going to go to bed mad anymore, but before we know it, when Tuesday comes, we got our backs turned. (Laughs). You can only put bars in your relationship and try to agree to them and try to stick to them as best as possible, but we are only human. Let me let her tell you one thing she doesn’t like.
Rosemarie: I have an issue with being ignored. It’s not like I crave attention. When we are into it, don’t ignore me. Like she says, we are both strong signs and very stubborn.
I’ll say I love you when I’m mad, but this one will shut down and be like…if you even come in here…I am going to let you have it… (Laughs). Like she said, she has a thing about me leaving. In the beginning, I would leave because I am still getting to know her and was in an “I will do what I want” mode, but I realized this M—–F ain’t playing, I better not leave,” laughs. So now, I will put my big-girl panties on and say, ok, I am going to give her some space, but she isn’t going to get too much space because I don’t do this ignoring thing. She will be quiet and say, “I am sitting in my bed, watching TV…” and I am like, the way you just answered me…that’s normal? (Laughs). It will go on for three days. The other day, we had gotten into it and she wanted to ignore me. So I took my keys, took my kids to their dad’s house and texted her.
I asked, “do you even care if I come back to the house…and she was like, “Do what you want.” I said, “It’s not about what I want. I am asking you,” (Laughs). There was no reply, so I waited an hour or two and asked her again. No reply. I was thinking, ok, you’re still trying to be quiet and ignore me. So the next morning I came to her and tried to kiss on her and she still wanted to ignore me. I went and called the phone company and changed my phone number on the account. She had left and I guess she had called the number and realized it was off! (Laughs).
Charla: Wow…you went to the extreme girl! (Laughs).
Rosemarie: The first thing out of her mouth was, “So you’re going to do that…” I was like, “Well, you wanted to ignore me so I was just helping you ignore me so that you won’t be tempted to talk. She was like, “See, you are going too far.” But I told her, like I told you, there is only one thing in the whole world I don’t like, which is don’t ignore me. So we kinda fussed about it but she was like, “You’re crazy” (Laughs). She said, if you went that far, you’re crazy! (Laughs.)
Being in a marriage, of course you are going to want your time a part, but it can’t go on for hours or for days. We should be able to communicate. I believe that when you are upset, it’s the worst time to have an argument because all kinds of stuff comes out your mouth. With the yelling and screaming, nobody is being heard or being understood so I am the kind of person that feels that even though I don’t want to drag things on for a couple of days, if it takes a day or two for us to get more level headed and then come back and talk, I’d rather do that instead of arguing. It doesn’t get us anywhere because for one, we still love each other even though we are mad.
She may be getting up out of bed to use the bathroom and I’m like, “a–hole,” fat a– booty (laughs). I can see her looking at me through the mirror as I am brushing my teeth. We love each other, but again, we are stubborn and one of us has to break first. I told her, “This being ignored thing, we’ve got to work it out.” This is the first time that we are both 100 percent genuinely in love, so that’s what makes it even harder. The good thing is that we can laugh about it, which also shows that what we have is true love.
A lot of people can’t get past those arguments and will continue to live separately, be silent and divided for years until it totally falls apart. We’ll have our moment and we will laugh about it. We are crazy with each other and we are crazy about each other so that’s what makes it work. I told her the other day that you are a Taurus and I am a Leo, so it can be a deadly disaster but it can also be something great. We both decided that we have to regroup and refocus so we are focusing on getting her book done, and starting our reality show. I am going to open an online boutique so we are going to start putting that energy towards succeeding in our marriage and building an empire.
Charla: How did you two meet? I remember Rosemarie said it but let me see that picture…
Pretty P: We met in the club. I was booked in California and at that point, I was in the process of getting out of a relationship that was going really bad really quickly. It was a long time coming but you know how you are with somebody and whether you are happy or not, you try to do everything you can? The relationship was pretty much over, but we hadn’t said it. I wasn’t in love anymore and we weren’t being intimate anymore or anything. I did my show and when I got off stage, I came out and I was taking pictures with everyone and she (Rosemarie) said, “Hi, can I get a picture?” (In a sweet voice). I am looking at this woman that calls me Lucifer, who runs around screaming and acting crazy all the time, and I am thinking back like, where is this woman that I met…(Laughs). Where’s that little shy, timid, blushing, cute little thing that was asking me for my picture…
Charla: That was the representative! (Laughs).
Pretty P: You know what I mean?! She’s never approached anyone. She doesn’t approach people so it was out of her comfort zone to approach me, but she did and she took a picture. She was saying that she was hoping that I would grab her and embrace her, but I am very respectful when I am with my fans. We took the picture and she ended up walking off. A couple of minutes later, she comes back and asks, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Like she said, I could’ve said “No, I am single, what’s your name?” but I am respectful until the end; until I am not with anybody, so I have to be honest because I learned a hard lesson a couple of times.
If you are not honest, it will come back to you and bite you in the butt. I don’t know what it was about her but there was something about her and I told her the truth: “Yeah, I have a woman at home.” She was like, “Alright, it’s nice to meet you,” and I never seen her again. A couple of months later, I got booked here again, and the person who booked me happened to be her friend. At that time, I was single. So now, I was like, it’s on…maybe I will see Miss Lady, and sure enough, she was there looking good and I was drunk (Laughs) I passed out. The next day, I woke up and I called her. I went to her hotel room. I didn’t get in there and try to do her.
I just wanted to spend time with her and get to know her. We spent some time together and come to find out, our assistant left the keys to our rental in the lobby and someone stole the car. Rose, of course, said, “I’ll take you” so after that, we started talking and before you know it, we started dating and doing the long distance thing for two years. Then, I finally proposed and we moved here last year. I have been here for almost two years.
Charla: How long have you been together?
Pretty P: Almost 4 years.
Charla: Ok, wow. So how was that long distance thing?
Charla: So how was that long distance thing? What did you do to make it work?
Pretty P: I was catching plane after plane every week and she sympathized with me because the jet lag was kicking in so she made it a point to come to me as much as possible just to eliminate me having to get on one more plane. I also had shows here in California during the time we were dating, so I made sure I stayed an extra couple of days or a week and spent time with her. It was difficult because I am a Taurus and I am a lover, so when we love, we love hard. When I want my woman, I want her right now. I don’t want to wait until next month or next week.
It really started getting down to the wire so when we got engaged, I told her “No, I am not going to be engaged and we’re in two different states. You are either moving here, or I am moving there and that’s the bottom line.” She was working in corporate America for 15 years so it was easier for me to relocate because I was dancing so I can be booked from anywhere. I ended up moving here. She tried to get me and she got me (Laughs). It was just something different about her. I remember the second time when we did come back and she was there and it was me and a friend. She looked at her and said, “Damn, did you see those cakes?”
She was referring to Rose’s ass. I remember telling her, “No, I didn’t. But did you see her eyes?” That’s when I knew. I wasn’t looking at her ass or her breasts. I got a calm feeling when I was around her. I didn’t know her, but I was very comfortable and very calm. I trusted her right off the bat, which I don’t trust anyone. It takes you a couple of years or months unless I have a good feeling about you.
I am very spiritual so I believe in aura’s and energies. If I feel a certain way around you, it is going to determine on how quick I can trust you. I felt that safe energy with her. We started talking and then she gave me some really bad head (Laughs.) I am kidding… it wasn’t that bad!” (Laughs). It’s great now…it’s fantastic now! The first time we had sex, I was like “Oh My God!” I had to call my homegirl and say, “Let me tell you what this girl just did!” She was a pillow princess and every girl that she was with before me she really didn’t like like that.
She was like, ‘I’m not putting my mouth on you,” so she never did it but they’d love to do her. When it comes to me, I’m like, ‘Nooo boo-boo, you’ve got to get this! (Laughs.) I’m not one of those touch me not b—–s. You’ve got to get on it, ya know what I mean? (Laughs). I showed her one time. She gave me her arm and she was like, “Show me what I have to do,” and I showed her one time on her arm and girrrl, I got married! (Laughs). I am married, you hear me! (Laughs). This girl sucked the soul out of my life! I was like, “Yessssss…yesssss….where do I sign!” (Laughs).
Charla: That’s what love will do.
Pretty P: I was like, why did I show you that….why did I show you that! (Laughs) The first time I slept with her, she thought I used something because I have extremely large hands. I’ve got Shaquille O’Neal hands. I had been intimate with her and she was like, “Did you use something?” She thought I used a toy or a strap on her and I was like, “Girl, that was all me baby,” and as you can see, she’s married (Laughs). She wasn’t going no f—–g where! (Laughs.) We have a great sex life. We even do this thing called Nudie Crunch Mondays on Instagram and every Monday night, we put up some very steamy, X-rated, 15-second videos on YouTube.
It’s not like we are showing any body parts, but we’re showing some of the things we do in the bedroom. We are very passionate and very erotic. We have nothing to hide. We are very comfortable in our skin. We show ladies that you don’t have to be a size 2 to be sexy. Between the both of us, we’re like 400 pounds.
Charla: What’s your secret to a happy marriage?
Pretty P: I don’t have a secret. I have never been with someone who has ever made me laugh so much. If you go to my Instagram you will see a lot of videos. She does Kung Fu, and she’s very good at impersonations. She can do voices, like a Jamaican voice. She can do an English voice and a Chinese voice. She’s just a comedian. I’ve never been with anybody that can make me laugh so hard to where my eyes are watering. It’s a good feeling to just play around with who you are with and be yourself.
With anybody else, I had to be Pretty P, or that thug or that hard stud that they wanted. I am not a stud and I’m not a femme. If I want to wear heels, I can and if I want to be a stud, and I am feeling a little more dominate that day, I can put some Tims on and a baseball cap and call it a day. I am a woman and I like women and I love this woman. I am a little more comfortable in my tomboy role, but you can get me in some red bottoms boo (Laughs). She keeps me smiling and laughing. I could be having a bad day. I could be thinking about my family. My best friend just died in my arms last year. She literally took her last breath in my arms, so I spent a week and some change watching her fight her final days of cancer.
My aunt just died several months ago and she raised me since I was 6 days old. I’ve gone through some extremely hard losses recently and she will come in there and do some of the most stupidest sh-t. She’s not afraid to make a fool out of herself just to make me laugh. I love it. I catch it on video and share it and everyone is like, your wife is so funny. So that’s what it is for me, just being able to smile with the person you are with and know that it’s genuine and not fake. I wake up smiling. Whenever I roll over and see her, I’m like, don’t ever leave me because you would crush my whole world. I’m grateful… very grateful. That’s what it is for me. Let me let her tell you what it is for her.
Charla: Remember that next time when you do the silent treatment that you do. (Laughs).
Pretty P: It’s not like I don’t want to talk to her, but I know myself. One thing she tells me is that I am very harsh with my words. I don’t want to say something I am going to regret so let me shut the f–k up and sit down. Sometimes it will last 24 hours. It depends on how big or small the issue is or it can last two or three days. It depends on how big the problem is, but I don’t try to purposely do that but I do eyeball her like she told you. If she walks by me in a thong, I am going to look at those cheeks. It’s a lot of wagon that she’s draggin (Laughs). Let me let her tell you hers…
Rosemarie: I pretty much agree on what she said. I’ve pretty much been the one that says love and laughter is good for the heart and it’s good for the soul. It keeps you looking young. I’m just silly by nature. I like to keep people smiling, I can read when people are down. I always think, “What can I do to get this person to smile?” I will go to the end of the world for her, and embarrass myself for her to make her feel better even if it is just for a moment. Laughter keeps you young. I am not embarrassed to say I am going to be 38 in a matter of a few days, but most people that see me say, “You’re lying.” I will be 38 on August 8th.
She calls me a cougar and I’m like, “Whatever,” (Laughs). It’s only by a few years…not ten…I‘ll be the best looking cougar you ever had so it’s ok (Laughs). Just to be able to genuinely love, laugh and be able to share intimate moments, fears and your dreams with somebody is the key. You have to have that open communication. In the beginning, it was really hard for her to open up. It wasn’t that she didn’t love me or trust me or think she couldn’t confide, it’s just that she’s one of those people that really didn’t share her emotions. I’d feel like something was going on so, I would kinda stay away but eventually, I thought, No, I’ve got to be me, so I started embracing her.
I told her that if we are going to be together, and we are going to be married, I want you to be able to share and let go. I’m not going to look at you like, “hmmm hmmm…here she is Pretty P and she’s over here crying. Let me go and tell your fans that you’re weak.” I feel it’s the opposite: you’re more weak to me when you can’t open up and cry in front of your wife. I was like, let me in so I can console you. So now, she does it more willingly than I ever thought she would. It’s also about how she was brought up, which was you aren’t allowed to cry or have emotions. Slowly over time, you have to break those chains so I have been able to be there for her in a more emotional standpoint as she’s going through some of these losses.
We talk about some of the things from her past and her childhood and that makes me feel like that’s what makes our love, our marriage even stronger. Even for me honestly. My mom was my everything. She was my best friend, so when she left, a huge part of me left with her. Recently, she (Pretty P) kinda got on me and she was like, “You’ve been so quiet babe. Did I do anything?” and I said, “No, I’m really missing my mom and it was hurting her because I wasn’t letting her in. I have my mom’s ashes here; we both have our mom’s ashes here, and I just go in there and talk to my mom as opposed to talking with her.
I had to step back and really realize that she’s not trying to take my mom’s place, but she’s here in the flesh so I am supposed to lean on her now. I’ve never had that. I lost my mom and dad 12 days apart from each other so a lot of the things we’ve been through is similar. When it comes to what I call their death anniversaries or Mother’s Day or Christmas, we memorialize them and we have each other. We get ballons for them and write messages on them. Before, I was struggling with the process of mourning. I decided that I had to let her in like she finally let me in. I do it sometimes. Her mom died on the sidewalk so there are a lot of tragedies that we have in common but we are here for each other and can truly say, “I understand.”
Charla: What advice would you give to other lesbian couples who want to tie the knot?
Pretty P: Make sure you are doing it for the right reason. I think a lot of lesbians do it for the attention. It’s like, Oh, it’s legal now, so let me do it because everyone else is doing it. You just met her last month in the club. We fall in love so easy because we are women and that’s what we want but make sure you really know who you are about to spend your life with. Don’t talk marriage because you are in the moment or because this person gave you the best sex you ever had or she’s showing you a little more attention than your ex.
Get to know each other. Make sure this is what you want. Make sure you have the same vision. She may want kids and you may not, but you won’t find out until you’re married and then you get into an argument and want a divorce because she wants kids and you don’t. You need to ask that before you get married. People aren’t having future discussions, they are having in-the-moment discussions. See if you have the same wants for the future and then move forward. Be honest with each other.
Don’t be afraid to hurt each other’s feelings. I’d rather be honest with you than hurt you. A lot of people hold in a lot because they don’t want to hurt somebody, but when they find out something later, it will hurt them even more and that will break you. Your relationship will get broken because you kept it in, not because of whatever it was. You’re so scared to tell the truth, but they could say, Thank you for telling me. I respect you more.” Know what you are getting yourself into and realize this is not an in-the-moment thing.
This is forever. This is not just for fun, this is not for Instagram or for you to be able to say “I’m married, I’ve got my wife.” It’s like, yeah, we know you got your wife, but why are you filing for divorce already?” Don’t be a part of the statistic. They didn’t want to make it legal because they didn’t think we could make it but y’all are all running out to get married and are proving to them that we can’t even handle it because you are getting a divorce. We complained (because we didn’t have any rights) but now that we got them, don’t abuse them. I am going to prove to you that my lesbian relationship can last and weather the storm just like your straight marriage can. You’ve got to make these people respect you. They won’t if you can’t even finish the race.
Charla: Rosemarie, what’s your advice?
Rosemarie: The biggest thing is to know the difference between loving somebody, being in love with somebody and lusting for somebody because lust is more of a sexual thing. Love is like, I love the man working down the street, but saying, “I’m in love with this person means I can see and only want my future with this person,” it’s something different. I’ll be honest and say that I loved a lot of people that I was with, but if you asked if I was in love with those people, I would tell you no. You have to know the difference. You can love somebody and be with them for 65 years, but I’d rather love and be in love for 65 years. There is no feeling like it. On top of that, make sure that you have something in common and not a one-sided relationship.
Do something together. Here’s one of the biggest stereotypes about lesbians: I met you Tuesday, we’re together on Thursday, and we’re getting married next Thursday. We get a divorce and the following Thursday after that I’m with another girl and the cycle continues. We argue and fight, but we come back together and I can’t picture my life with nobody but her. That’s the difference between loving somebody and being in love with somebody. I love you, I am in love with you, and I lust for you.
Pretty P: I think when you are in love, it makes you fight, but when you just love someone, you can walk away. The fight comes from being in love with somebody.
Rosemarie: Even with the straight couples…half of them don’t even want each other. Some of them do it for show or to have a $50,000 or $100,000 wedding but guess what…they are divorced in two weeks. We are still going to have our big wedding, but because we are in love, we decided we could do a court house wedding because we did it for us. As long as we are committed, we’re married, I don’t care who showed up. I told her, If it’s just me and you, I’m good.”
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