Is somebody putting us on, dawg? Is Steve Smith actually telling us the truth? Come on, man. This aint real. Steve Smith would NEVER retire from pro football. Never in a million Never-Neverlands, man. Well, not unless he left behind blood and guts or something.
After all, dude was the king of trash talk last year. The Baltimore Ravens receiver was the equivalent of Latrell Sprewell, Ron Artest, Neon Deion and TO combined. Smith called grown men schoolboys. But Smith was not only the most trash talking mutha, he was a literal quote machine–this kid out of little old Utah who many thought should’ve been out of the league 14 years ago.
But over the years, Smith has said things that nobody in their right mind would ever, EVER say in public, and that’s part of what made him such a legend. Two years ago for example, St. Louis Rams rookie cornerback Janoris Jenkins talked smack about Smith’s wife Angie and family on the field–then Smith embarrassed Jenkins during that game with an 80-yard touchdown catch. Here’s what Smith had to say afterwards.
“What I don’t like is a young guy who comes in, who obviously his first time ever using the Internet and Google, and he Googles information about me, talks about my wife and stuff like that. That’s just some of the b——- I just don’t play with. … I don’t play them games,” said Smith. “When you try to take it personal like that, I don’t have any great humbling things to say. So he can take his a– back to St. Louis and watch the f—— film, ’cause I don’t play them games. … And if I see him on the street, I’m going to bust him in the f—— mouth.”
And so 15 years of embarrassing players with his stellar play and his trash talk, Smith announced on Monday that he will retire from pro football at the end of this, his 15th season in the league. Of course, he’s doing it on HIS terms. What else would you expect from the little man who has already been in the biggest league in the world a lot longer than anyone ever expected?
Smith aint no Rudy, dawg. He may be five feet nothin, a hunnerd and nothin soakin wet–but he aint going out like no punk. There aint gonna be no party or whatever in his honor. He goin out in a blaze of glory.
“It will be a farewell tour for me but let me be very clear: I will wound, damage and puncture a lot of people on my way out,” said Smith, who even scheduled his own press conference to make his announcement.
After Smith basically threatened every NFL player who intends to try and stop him this season, he went even further with his threats at this presser. “Let me tell you something: I’m playing with house money,” he added, with a crazed look in his eyes. “You know what’s dangerous when you’re playing with house money? You don’t have no regard. I’m all in with your money. You know what they say when you’re playing with other people’s money: you just be reckless, you do stupid things with it. That’s what I’m going to do.”
In other words, you would be stupid to get in Smith’s way–a lesson a lot of NFL players, coaches and executives have learned over the years in the moment they doubt him. In true Smith fashion, he will retire as a Baltimore Raven, the team for which he’s played one whole year–as opposed to doing so as a Carolina Panther, a crime so heinous you can’t even imagine, because he played with THAT team for 14 years.
Let’s outline the reasons Carolina be crazy: five Pro Bowl appearances for Smith (no crazy off-the-field stuff), eight 1,000 yard receiving years including one last year at age thirtyshomething for Smith (and no nightclub/strip club/taser gun/weed BS like Jenkins) and other notable, more gentlemanly things this writer’s probably forgotten to mention. Any other questions?
But what you can and should imagine and expect is Smith to go out in style in his Ravens uniform–possibly with a Super Bowl ring in this, the final curtain call of his illustrious career. And nobody can ever take that away from him–not even those lame Panthers and especially not some clown like Jenkins.