In today’s world being online has become almost essential. It isn’t fair and it isn’t right, but, that’s what we all have to face and accept, and, one of the hardest places to adjust to for those over 35 is the online dating scene. You’ll see and read things on online dating sites that you would more than likely never experience in person, so, how do you dig through the thousands of profiles and begin to search for Mr. or Ms. Right?
First, rest easy in knowing that you aren’t wasting your time. Many, many people have now successfully met, entered into relationships, and, some even get married to someone they find online. The trick of finding or attracting the right person to you all begins with your own profile.
Keep it real.
Lying about any part of yourself online is no different than stuffing Kleenex in your bra or stuffing a sock down your pants, it’s just not real and it just isn’t you. This means don’t be ashamed of any part of your life. If you’re a street cleaner and only make $9 per hour, own it! It’s an honest job and there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone who does an honest day’s work. If you’re a Mom or a Dad, don’t hide the fact that you have kids, even if the person you’re truly attracted to has cleared stated in their profile they have no interest in kids. The worst they can do is say they aren’t interested in you. Be true to yourself and you’ll never go wrong!
What they really mean
Just like the real estate industry, online dating has it’s own buzz words to alert you someone may have what you (personally) view as a flaw or less than desirable characteristic. For example, someone who describes themselves as “curvy” is probably carrying a bit of extra weight. If you’re the shallow type and size matters then that is someone you will probably want to pass by. (However, you should also be aware that some women will say the are curvy to weed out the shallow jerks, so, she might be worth taking a chance upon.)
Another term to look out for when scouting profiles is “I’ll Tell You Later.” This is a red flag. If you see this in any part of someone’s profile, there is a good chance you aren’t going to like what they have to say on the subject. For example, if the profile question is “Do have or want children” and the answer is “I’ll Tell You Later” it is almost guaranteed that person has children or doesn’t want children. If children aren’t part of your life plan, then do yourself a favor and skip that person.
Is the person really into you or just looking to get you into bed
Times have changed, but, people haven’t and there are still men and women who are just online for one thing: sex. If that’s what you’re seeking, again, be honest. Never lead someone on to believe you’re seeking a lasting, meaningful relationship if you’re just looking for a one night stand.
How do you weed the bed jumpers out online? Easy. Keep them waiting. Don’t agree to immediately meet someone who seems overly eager to get you into bed. You’ll know the type, they’re just like the sleazy guy in the bad suit in the dive bar you were forced to going to when you were 25 — easy to spot and easy to turn down. The bed jumper will continually tell you how handsome or pretty you are and how sexy you are and they can’t wait to meet you. Even more important to note, if the person will not talk about anything than your first meeting, and, not offer anything personal like their occupation or who they are seeking and will not even acknowledge anything you write or talk about then you’re probably facing a bed jumper. If you’re seeking something long term, then break off any and all communication. Don’t worry about hurting feelings, this type will be on to the next person and will have forgotten your name within an hour or so — you’ll save yourself a massive headache if you are just direct with this type.
Going from online to meeting in person
Everyone’s timeline is different, and, what might feel like ages to one person may seem like a relatively short time to someone else. If the person is truly into you, he or she will wait and not push. Most online dating sites have a system of communication where you can write or chat online without compromising your personal safety (if your dating site does not offer this then you may want to find one that does) and, sooner or later you’re going to want to take your communication off site either via personal email or phone or both. Be smart. There are ways to continue to help protect yourself from ID thieves by setting up an email account specifically for your online dating accounts and services like Google Talk that allow you to use your own phone, but, have another number to give out to keep your true information private. There is nothing dishonest about taking these safety measures, and, anyone with half a brain will understand that when you reveal that the email or phone number was setup for online dating purposes.
Your first meeting or date
The first meeting or date is one of the hardest parts of the online dating scene. Will he or she actually show up? Will you click as well in person as you do online or on the phone? Does he really drive a Ferrari or does she really have a great apartment overlooking the park? Will he or she even like you in person? The only way to find out is steel your nerves, head out the door and meet the person. And, with a little bit of luck, you might just been on your way to meeting the person you have been dreaming about your entire life. So go! Take the chance and, if it doesn’t work out or the person just isn’t a good fit, learn from it. Each date or meeting has something to offer, so, never chicken out because your nerves get the better of you.
Just make sure your first meeting or date is in a public place. Never accept a first date or setup a first meeting by agreeing to go someone else’s apartment or home. Always make sure you have a cell phone with you, and, make sure someone you know and trust has the location you are meeting this person from online and make sure they have your cell phone number in case you go missing without any communication of where you are or where you are going for any extended time or a length of time that is very unusual for you. This is just being overly cautious but, unfortunately in today’s world it is a necessary evil. The truth of the matter is most people online are very normal, and, very respectable people with jobs, bills, normal lives and families and no police record – just like you!
Now go forth and date! You’re going to do great!