The latest out of North Korea – the nation has developed a miracle drug, one that according to portly supreme leader Kim Jong-un is a cure-all for cancer, AIDS and Ebola. The spectacular claim is the latest to be rolled out by the North’s highly regulated Korean Central News Agency – the state’s putative, ear-tickling news outlet that regularly spouts farcical claims under Jong-un’s oversight.
Writes the New York Daily News: “Well, that’s a relief. According to North Korean despot Kim Jong Un, there is now a miracle drug that wipes out cancer, AIDS, MERS and Ebola. The impoverished dictatorship announced Friday that scientists have created a drug called Kumdang-2, made with ginseng grown with fertilizer and other ‘rare-earth elements.’”
“Malicious virus infections like SARS, Ebola and MERS are diseases that are related to immune systems, so they can easily be treated by Kumdang-2 injection drug,” said a post on the Korean Central News Agency.
Lest any should question North Korea’s ability to develop a miracle drug for its 25 million inhabitants, here are a number of other well-proven facts as published by Jong-un’s media mouthpieces: Kim learned to drive at age 3, he won his first solo yacht race at age 9, Kim’s daddy, Kim Jong Il, invented the hamburger and also possessed a “magical” digestive system which meant he had no need to ever take a dump, and that Kim Jong-un was born atop a North Korean mountain, causing a star to appear along with a double rainbow while goat herders wept with joy.
With a stellar track record of hard facts that almost trump the unbiased credible reporting of Fox News, the Korean Central News Agency should therefore never be questioned about the dictatorship’s far-fetched claims.
In a statement, the Korean Central News Agency quoted a Dr. Jon Sung Hun as saying: “The researchers insert rare earth elements (REE) into insam (gingseng) by applying the mico-elementary fertilizers of REE to the fields of insam. The injection is made of extracts from those complex compounds. As a strong-immuno-activator, the injection has been recognized to prevent different malignant epidemics.”
The miracle drug was then tested on Africans of course, says the Central News Agency, and to the delight of researchers, there was a 100 percent success rate – 56 percent were completely cured of cancer and AIDS while 44 percent are improving every day as they move toward being disease free.
Writes the drug’s website:
“For this purpose, you should be armed with optimum immuno-competence defensive of all viruses including those that would emerge in new shapes after mutation. This is obtainable only by optimizing the human immunity try use of very strong imimmo-activators and interferon inducers like Kumdang-2 Injection. According to the data from foreign health entities this injection has shown splendid effects in preventing and curing some epidemics such SALES, Dird Flu, New Flu and AIDS.”
You say immuno, I say imimmo. And yes, they spelled Bird Flu with a ‘d’ and are also able to cure the dreaded New Flu. The site continues:
“For prevent of above epidemics, you are recommended to get 40-56 ampoules as per Table-1, and for cure, get 5-8 ampoules, every 4-6 hours for 2-3 days. If you failed to reach complete cure during that time, the same dosage should be repeated for 2-3 days after an interval of 1-2 days, whereupon you should be assured of perfect cure in any case.”
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So there you have it. What do you think about North Korea’s miracle drug?