Letting go of your anger towards your ex-spouse is no easy task. Many people feel hurt and betrayed by what caused the breakup to occur. Holding onto that anger sometimes helps us to feel closer to that person. Other times, people hold onto their anger because they have a fantasy of revenge or hopes that their ex-spouse will finally see how much they have hurt them. Whatever the case may be, holding onto anger blocks you from moving forward from living the life you deserve.
When you hold onto the anger towards your ex-spouse, you tend to make yourself miserable. You can become stressed, irritable and obsessed with hurting the other person. These actions take an enormous amount of energy on your part to sustain and shut down the positive energy you could be giving to other aspects of your life.
Letting go of your anger towards your ex-spouse frees up your energy. It is the key to opening up your life again and moving forward. When we chose to leave anger behind, we let go of the fantasy that the person who hurt us will change or see things in our way. We give up the fantasy that they actually have remorse.
Here are 4 ways you can begin to let go of your anger towards your ex-spouse and live the life your deserve.
1. Accept the loss: Many people following a break-up do not grieve the loss of the relationship. Some people think that jumping into another relationship will cure their feelings of loss. The problem is that jumping into another relationship without making peace with your feelings about the old relationship is often a sign for another relationship disaster.
2. Have some compassion: Hurting other people does not make you hurt less. If someone has hurt you do not jump to judgment, instead look at their history. They probably were mistreated by someone else in their own lives and are repeating this pattern with you. When we focus on the bad behavior and what the person did to us, we naturally feel resentment. But by looking beyond the behavior to see the hurt emotionally-scarred person underneath, we can replace resentment with compassion.
3. Work towards forgiveness: Forgiveness does not mean that you accept one’s behavior. It means giving up your desire for revenge and unraveling the chains that you have wrapped around yourself. Forgiveness give you the freedom to open up your world to new possibilities.
4. Do not engage in the anger: If your ex-spouse is angry with you, don’t engage back. When you begin to argue with your ex-spouse, you are giving that person power. You give them some power over your own emotions. This is not something that you want to do because a truly resentful ex will take advantage of this misstep. If you have anger pent up inside of you, talk it out with a friend instead.
When you hold onto your anger, you are stopping yourself from living your life to your fullest potential. Do not let you ex-spouse have this power over you. Perhaps the best revenge in this instance is letting go of the anger and finding happiness.