Many people live their lives as a victim. To these people, it is all about “poor me.” In their point of view, nothing is ever their own fault. The blame, for their behaviors, always falls on someone else. It usually reverts back to some event that occurred in the distant past that made them this way; therefore, nothing can change what is. However, this is not true. Those who suffer from the victim mentality will, most likely, not believe this, though. They will become defensive and shut out whatever is told to them. Because of this, it is a topic that is to be approached gently.
The victim mentality usually is formed by growing up in a dysfunctional family. This is brought about by observing unhealthy behaviors and the blame game being a common occurrence. It can also be brought about by a tragic event which truly leaves the person a victim. In such a case, there is normal time for healing and getting over it. Staying with the victim mentality, for whatever reason, is unhealthy. It also becomes wearisome for those close to the person.
When a person chooses the victim mentality, relationships are difficult to maintain. They are generally unhealthy relationships, at best. Low self-esteem, approval addiction, co-dependency, anxiety, depression, and other issues are usually involved. The person who chooses a victim mentality generally is unable to fulfill the necessary responsibilities of a partner. As it is about “poor me,” the other person generally has to take all of the responsibility for the relationship. Whereas, a healthy relationship calls for each one giving to the other, and taking their own share of the responsibilities. This way, the relationship is easier to maintain, and creates a more loving and caring environment. The video, accompanying this article, provides further ways to improve relationships, without the use of blame.
Blame is not an easy thing to deal with. When a person blames another for what is wrong in his/her life, it becomes old very quickly. Life circumstances bring ups and downs and, with them, choices. A child growing up with a victim mentality, at some point, has to make a choice about whether to remain in this unhealthy way of life. It is not always an easy choice. Even though the idea of not living life as a victim may seem appealing, it requires some hard work and the willingness to bring about change to make it happen. This may be too frightening to even consider. However, when the person finds life unappealing, and wants to experience life in a better way, it becomes an obvious choice that thing need to change. Life is all about change, and about choices. When the choice comes from within, it is more likely to create a needed, positive change.
Each individual is responsible for his/her own behavior, reactions, and ways of dealing with others. Some may find this hard to accept; but, it is true. Each person has the choice to remain as is, or to improve oneself through education, counseling, or other means. It will not be an overnight event, as positive change takes time. A new way of looking at oneself, and life in general, is not always an easy task. An uphill climb requires time and diligence. There will be pitfalls and times of withdrawal into the old patterns and habits. With proper guidance, and the will to make it happen, things get better, and the climb continues its upward pattern.
As with anything in life, including God is always helpful. God provides the strength to overcome challenges and hindrances in life. Prayer and faith helps to deal with the pitfalls and pull those who fall into old patterns and habits. Hebrews 12: 11-12 says, “Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed,” (1989, The new revised standard version bible, New York, NY: American Bible Society).
Life can be better. Seek assistance. Make the change. It is well worth it.