If you are considering divorce, take the time to evaluate your decision. So many people make rash judgements with anger that they end up harming their relationship to the non repairable stage. Think twice before divorcing.
A few things you can try first. Get counseling, communicate and see if there is anything both of you can do to resolve the issues. I highly suggest sitting down with your spouse and writing out the issues, the pro’s and the con’s of the relationship. Sometimes you will discover that you actually can fix the problems and sometimes it’s best to just move on. Staying in a relationship just because of the kids is NOT a good reason, they will suffer more then you realize. Especially if it is an abusive type of relationship.
It seems like every few years I hear of more and more people getting divorced. People whom you never thought would get divorced as they seemed to be the “perfect couple.” I guess it just goes to show that you really never know what is going on behind the scenes.
In the last year or two I have personally known 4 couples who have gotten divorced that I never thought of as being unhappy in their relationships. They had strong religious beliefs, strong family connections and seemed strong and happy to the outside.
So what happens when a family like this goes through a divorce? Of course as a relationship writer I am sometimes told the stories of why and I have learned there are really two sides to every story and it’s best not to take sides but just to try and be supportive of the entire situation.
All of us deal with divorce in different ways, just like everyone deals with death in different ways. In fact, Divorce is ranked in the top 5 of most stressful things in life to deal with.
Divorce can bring out the ugly side in all of us. I don’t care what you say, I have heard it time and time again “oh we are going to be very polite and remain friends” NONSENSE! Good luck with that, it rarely happens. Why? Because it is human nature to fight and the fighting will begin at some point in the divorce.
The emotional steps of divorce. Depending on which one of you initiated the divorce the steps can be as follows: 1) Disbelief or Anger, 2) Numbness and confusion 3) Denial 4) Anger and resentment 5) Sense of loss 6) Acceptance (usually a year or so later)
These emotional steps are quite similar to losing a loved one and are just as strong. Divorce will leave you with a sense of loss or emptiness. Some of us seek counseling to try and help the situation, while others just try to deal with it internally. Either way, it will leave emotional scares that need to heal before you get into another relationship. Take the time to find yourself, find the direction in life you now want to go and get the help you need. It’s okay to need help, especially if you are a man! Find someone you trust, preferably not another divorced man but a professional of some sort and work through your issues. Until you do this, you will not be able to have a good, healthy and happy relationship with yourself much less anyone else.
Till next time,