We have all seen them or maybe even dated them, the emotionally unavailable man. It’s not the person we intend on dating but sometimes we fall in their romantic trap. Who is the emotionally unavailable man? He is the one who will not commit, he is wishy washy with his actions, he won’t commit to a phone call, he won’t settle down, he maybe already in another relationship or he is unfaithful.
They play with our emotions and never give us their hearts fully. We fall in love with them before we realize it. These relationships are so frustrating and unsatisfying because they never get to that next level of commitment in a long term relationship or marriage. In these relationships you never know where you stand. It can be so confusing because often the chemistry is so strong that we mistake it for true intimacy. However, true intimacy is emotionally and physically healthy. The intense chemistry and passion can leave us blinded to the emotional emptiness. Then we are stuck dealing with a lot of junk and heartbreak.
During the dating process it is important to recognize red flags in a relationship before the relationship gets serious, leads to living together and especially before marriage. An emotionally unavailable person is a major red flag when you want a committed long term relationship. Of course everyone has their faults. Nobody’s Perfect! However, there are some key characteristics that can predict commitment and a long lasting healthy relationship.
Here are some key characteristics to look for in an emotionally unavailable man:
1. Is this person available for intimacy? It’s important to ask yourself if this person is available for true intimacy, not just physical but emotional intimacy. Sometimes this takes time to be revealed.
2. Look at past relationship patterns and behaviors. Has this person been in a committed relationship before? Why did it end? Did it end because of commitment issues or unfaithfulness? Avoid the mistake of saying, “It will be different with me.” Yes sometimes this is true. Take in account the whole picture of his emotional availability including past relationships.
3. Is their behavior negligent? Do you continue to give him opportunities to become available or committed? And he just won’t take them. Do you make excuses for his behavior? These are all signs he is emotionally unavailable.
4. Does he return your affections? If you are ready with open arms to love and give to someone make sure it is reciprocated. Affection is not just sex. It’s holding your hand, giving you compliments or a simple kiss.
5. Does this person make you feel safe emotionally? It is important that you do not feel wishy washy in your emotions. Are you constantly questioning the relationship? You should know where you stand with this person and relationship.
Now it’s time to take action. Switch your focus off the emotionally unavailable man. When you switch your focus from chasing after his commitment to focusing on your own emotional needs you will start to attract healthier relationships.