There are so many different ways it can happen. You think your relationship is fine and suddenly you’re hit with a bombshell. Your partner is unhappy… and worst of all, wants to break up. We all know the pain. I’ve been there and chances are, you have, too. It’s a horrible pain that no one wants to go through, at any age, no matter who you are.
Unfortunately, even the smartest guy or girl in the world can be taken by surprise by a break-up, even when the relationship was obviously toxic to everyone on the outside of it. The two people can spend their days bickering back and forth and not even realize the damaging nature of it until one of them wises up. And it usually takes the interference of someone who cares about one or both of the people in the relationship.
It’s tough. It hurts. It’s emotionally exhausting, debilitating and, for some, incapacitating. Typically, people will stop eating and sleeping the way they should, their minds overcome with the depression of being alone. People keep saying it takes time and that it will get better.
Guess what? It will! This is one pain that, for the majority of sane human beings, is temporary in nature. Friends and family will tell you that once you’ve gotten that person “out of your system”, you will feel better about life and move forward to find the right person for you. Trust your friends and family. It will get better!
It’s time for you to think about yourself for a while and come to terms with your life and what you expect from this point on. You need peace and solid ground to stand on. Here’s a few tips to help you in your search for peace of mind at this mentally traumatic time:
1. Concentrate on eating and sleeping well. You may feel sick to your stomach for a few days but you can’t allow yourself to waste away. Take melatonin at night to get a better night’s sleep. Eat light and try to snack on things that you enjoy eating. It’s okay to break a diet or eat unhealthy for a short period of time. But don’t let it last. Start eating normal as soon as you can bring yourself to do so.
2. Give yourself time to mourn. You deserve it. You invested a lot of time, effort, money and emotions into this relationship that has disintegrated. Take some time to reflect on the good and the bad and maybe you will come to realize quickly that the break-up was for the best. It will also give you time to re-evaluate the relationship in a way that will indicate whether it can be salvaged at a later date. If extenuating circumstances caused the break-up, those circumstances may change in the future, allowing you to pursue a new chapter in that relationship. However, if there was constant fighting, bickering, or, God forbid, physical, verbal or mental abuse, it is better to look toward a future with someone more compatible.
3. Avoid texting, emailing, calling and posting on social media AT ALL COSTS. Be the mature person and don’t trash-talk your ex to mutual or non-mutual friends and family. It doesn’t make you look good. It makes you look vindictive, spiteful and childish. Just don’t do it. Unless there is a good reason (and that reason can’t be “I want to get back together immediately”), such as children involved, don’t contact that person for as long as they’ve requested.
4. Don’t self-medicate. Don’t start drinking heavily or taking drugs to ease the pain. If you feel you are so depressed and anxious, you want to stay drunk 24/7, consult with a doctor and see if a prescription for antidepressants might be more appropriate.
5. Take some time to relax, chill out, meditate, pray and anything else that brings you happiness. Seek positivity and laughter. It won’t be easy. None of it is easy. But if you surround yourself with supportive, positive and encouraging people during your stressful time, you will notice the burden is not so heavy.
6. Got a membership to the gym? If not, get one. Start working out, sweating out your depression and anxiety. Remember to stay hydrated, if you choose this method. Drink lots of water. This is a great way to get back into shape and you might meet someone new in this healthy environment. That’s a great way to forget your blues.
7. Don’t feel like you are a bad person for feeling so anxious and depressed. This is a traumatic event that everyone goes through. Cry if you need to. Unload your feelings through physical violence on your pillow, stuffed animal or bed. Don’t be afraid to write your feelings down, too. Writing what you feel is an excellent way to get out what you can’t say out loud.
8. Deal with obsessive thoughts immediately. Don’t convince yourself that you have to act this way. Stop your head trips right away before they blossom into a barrage of texts or phone calls that you will absolutely regret. The one you want is not going to be convinced by your badgering, begging, threatening or crying. These, in fact, are sure-fire ways to push them away faster.
9. Start giving back to others. Reverse the focus of your mind and start putting other people in the center of your attention, those in your life who don’t have it as good as you do. Take a deep breath and think to yourself, “What is it that I have that others can use? How can I help those around me to live better lives?”
This last tip is extremely important. When you are depressed, anxious or stressed, the focus in directly on you. You have become self-absorbed on what you want and you feel like you must get what you want to live. Put down the mirror. Start concentrating on what you can do to make other people more comfortable in their lives. Look at the lives of your co-workers, friends, family members and others. Is there anything you can do to make their life easier?
Putting others before you will have benefits you can’t even imagine. It doesn’t mean you have to let yourself be taken advantage of. It just means that you have shown yourself to be the type of person that others can count on, even in a bind. They will come to trust you as a loyal friend and you end up being on the receiving end of many blessings. All because you turned the focus away from needing others to helping those who need you.