A strong, healthy relationship can be the best support in our lives. Good relationships improve all aspects of our life. When relationships hit that dreaded crossroad at Stay Boulevard and Leave Parkway, it becomes a tremendous drain. Relationships are work, an investment towards a future goal. The more we put in, the more we will get back. But at times, it seems like our relationships are gridlock on Lonely Highway. The one thing that we must remember is no two relationships are the same; so we need to stop comparing our relationships to those of others. Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people connect for many different reasons. Most people never set out to find the wrong person, but it is an unfortunately common thing that happens.
Why do we pick the wrong people? There has to be a subconscious part of us that draws us to particular people who trigger familiar feelings. Often times we think this feeling is chemistry but not necessarily. It could just be our inner “badness” looking for a thrill. Admit it; there is something sexy about being with the bad boy or girl. The “nice” ones always seem boring and uninteresting. Is this really so? Or is it just our justification for chasing the “bad” one? Although the thrill of the chase might intrigue us, this person is generally unpredictable. But we always ignore the obvious red flags, believing that “this person” might be the one or “this relationship” will be different but nothing changes. We date the same person over and over again. Why?
We never set out to find the wrong person and fall into a relationship for the wrong reasons, but unfortunately it happens. Here are five bad reasons to get into a relationship:
1. Loneliness. When we fear being alone, we are more likely to make bad choices and end up getting involved with and staying in a relationship with the wrong person because it distracts us from feeling lonely.
2. Emptiness. Feeling empty inside and believing that someone will fill the void is never good. Spending time working on “you” and building up “your” self-esteem is the only way to be happy.
3. Pressure. There is no set age or timeframe when someone is supposed to find a mate or marry. We see others in “happy” relationships and sometimes feel awkward showing up dateless. But rushing into relationships for show is a bad idea.
4. Age. Both men and women have this perceived notion that after 40, marriage and children are somehow off the table. The truth is plenty of people marry and have children after 40.
5. Sex. In modern dating, people are having more sex than ever. In most cases, sex happens before the relationship. Good sex is never a foundation of a relationship. Period.
There are many bad reasons to get into a relationship. The best defense is to stay in control of our life and feelings. There are plenty potential mates out there that are a good fit for us; we just have to take time and be patient rather than rushing and trying to force something.