Regardless of whether you are dating, living together or married, there is no substitute for kindness if you wish to have a strong, long lasting comfortable relationship. This is a magical component of successful living. It even applies to how you treat your neighbors, colleagues, employees and friends. It is actually a rather simple rule, so why do so many people have trouble being kind, especially to their loved ones.
There’s a funny expression, “I would really appreciate it if you would treat me like a stranger.” The expression was even the title of a song. Now why would anyone make this kind of request. If you think about it, generally speaking, unless you’re a complete jerk, you treat strangers and most acquaintances with kindness. If you yell and scream at the postman, your hair cutter, your teachers, clergy or just about anyone you meet, you won’t fare well in life. They will label you a misanthrope and avoid you like the plague. You might even get punched in the nose. That’s why you act nice to most people. So why can’t you be nice to your parents, your children, your spouse or your date.
First, notice that “your date” doesn’t fit into this category if you just started dating. Sure you’ll be nice to your new date. After all, if you like this person, you’d like them to call back again. Hence you will be nice for at least a few months before feeling comfortable enough to be nasty to them like the rest of your loved ones.
It’s a sad commentary on human behavior that we often do forgo the niceties in a relationship that has become old and worn. Perhaps it’s like old shoes that you’re used to. You actually like those shoes. You’ve become so comfortable that you can just kick around in them until, one day, they just fall apart and have to go. A little tenderness, some polish and keeping them protected from rain and snow would not have been such a big deal. Those shoes would have lasted much longer if you treated them with kindness. But alas, you took your comfy shoes for granted, just like that relationship that’s beginning to look like a beat up pair of shoes.
There are remedies for the tired relationship, and it may just start with kindness. Here are some hints that will help enormously to make sure you and your partner don’t end up in the relationship bin of separation, divorce or disconnect.
To begin, there are some terms and phrases that need to be stricken from you repertoire. Let’s completely avoid the nasty rhetorical questions. “Didn’t I tell you that already?” Well of course you may have told him that already, but for Christ’s sake, why do you think he’s asking again. He either forgot or wasn’t listening in the first place, but there is no need for the snarky rhetorical question.
Here are some common rhetorical questions you need to cast off from your list: How many times do I have to tell you that? Didn’t I already say that? Do you really think that’s the right thing to do? Are you serious?
Next, let’s explore “the stupid idiot.” There’s a joke that finds this woman berating her husband, and she begins each criticism with, “You stupid idiot.” If anything you are about to say to your mate goes better with “you stupid idiot,” strike that comment from your repartee. Example, “How many times do I have to tell you to hang up your socks.” Notice, this is one of those rhetorical questions you must avoid, the question certainly goes well with, “you stupid idiot,” and the request may be a bit too demanding. Everyone knows you don’t hang up socks.
Not all nasty comments come in the form of questions. How about these phrases to make your mate feel terrible: That’s ridiculous. I should have done it myself. I can’t believe you said that. Its hard to believe you graduated from high school. Please! Give me a break. Oh, sure. You have to be kidding me.
There are hundreds of inappropriate phrases, and perhaps, if you write them down, and study the list, you will avoid using them. Instead of constant criticism, try endearing terms, like, “My, don’t you look handsome tonight?” While this is a rhetorical question, it in no way fits with “you stupid idiot.”
See how easy it is to be kind to your loved ones. There are many more suggestions that can keep your relationship vibrant and whole. These will be explored in further articles as well as in an upcoming book due out in 2016, The Sexless Marriage Fix, Basic Health Publications that discusses the many behavioral problems that lead to poor relationships and…the sexless marriage.
For more unusual and highly insightful relationship and dating advice go to the website and click on the blog – you stupid idiot!