On television, we’ve gone from Father Knows Best, where the father was a wise caring man who could do no wrong, to Homer Simpson, a buffoon who can do not-a-thing right.
Does Homer actually influence what people think a man should be? In a recent survey, more than 25 percent of fathers age 18 to 34 identify with Homer Simpson when they’re talking to their kids about a difficult subject, and almost 20 percent of adult children in the same age range associate their own father with Homer.
With so many confusing ideas, who should a man be in a relationship? Marriage and our roles in marriage as mothers and fathers are woven through all of written history. Even though our world is changing minute by minute, and hour by hour, men’s roles as husband and father can remain steady and strong. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in a moment of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
According to Dr. Phil, if men want to be successful in their marriage and family life, they have to change and broaden their definition of what it means to be successful as a man. Being a good provider, protector, leader and teacher is a privilege that comes with responsibilities that many men aren’t aware of.
Most men believe that being a good provider means supporting a family financially. It means much more than that! A man MUST also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family. In order to do this, he should recognize that there are other exchanges, in addition to money, that need to be given.
This doesn’t mean beating up the guy next door if he insults your wife. It means protecting her self-esteem and self-worth as well as your children’s. It can also mean protecting your values and guarding against any threats to the things that you and your family place importance on.
Instead of waiting for your wife to take the initiative when you are having problems, take the lead. Get in the game and create what you want in your family instead of whining about your situation. Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. It’s a 100/100 partnership. That means you give 100 percent… and remember, you get what you give.
What are you teaching those around you — especially your children — with your behavior? It’s important to provide a good example for your children, loved ones and community with both words and actions. Set high standards and teach by being and doing.
What frustrates wives most is that they are relegated to only one room in their husbands’ imaginary house instead of every room. In other words, they want to be integrated into a man’s entire life, not relegated to one corner. Without such integration, there can be no emotional bonding, no uniting of the spirit, no feeling of intimacy and, in many cases, no sex.