As we consciously awaken to the natural flow of receiving and allowing, we can see a turn in our relationships with all living beings. Have you noticed when a resistance in a relationship comes to an impasse and you are taken completely by surprise? One reason is that you are fortifying that relationship with different images and thoughts of how things are or perhaps how you wish they were to be. So in reality, you are having a completely different relationship than your partner. Instead of fighting back with blame and accusations, pain and guilt, try asking the questions: Where are your thoughts right now? What have you been thinking about lately? Is there a moment when things shifted in perspective about us for you?
Listening provides a platform for unedited understanding.
One may be caught off guard with such an organic question. No personality needs to be interwoven into the question, only the intent toward exposure of truth – no matter what it is. If we can address our partner head on, without too much emotion, we can break down the breakdown. Of course, we will need to brace ourselves for what we will hear but love knows no bondage except what we choose to create. There is always a freedom in the truth even if it hurts our ego or dismantles a relationship. Our attachment to any outcome must be laid to rest in this process so the energy remains clear to receive and space to transform.
When we bond, we are connecting to something we agree on. We have a sensation, image, desire, or just an agreement to seek a common ground. By having a focused intention we bring a more dynamic energy to the relationship and things begin to blossom. On the other hand, when we lose our sights and sensations toward each other, the duo vibe produces static and confusion creating a breakdown. Sometimes a misunderstanding can be the root of the rupture, other times it can stem from a lack of self-confidence or self-assurance one hoped to achieve through the relationship. Below are a few steps to help uncover and expose the wound that needs healed while creating a safe space to listen and be heard.
Three steps to break down the breakdown
(One important note to make here is that when starting any type of dialogue we are to make sure our thoughts are in pure form and that our images of ourselves and the other are in divine resonance with unconditional love.)
- Inquire without emotional attachment – Ask organic questions, raw and without emotion or manipulation. You are in the process of uncovering and unwrapping something held by your partner who may be in rage, sadness, or confusion. Remember, all that matters is the form of the thoughts your partner has created and what they believe to be true. Your opinion is to be set outside the boundaries of this safe heart space you are creating in this moment.
- Give space to listen – Whatever comes out of the heart and mind of the one that speaks, you only listen. Don’t cloud the waves of information with what you are about to say to solve or to defend your position in this dissension. Instead keep a glow of green light around the person and expand it as the force comes toward you, filling the person with acceptance and acknowledgment. Most times, people just want to be heard, and will find the solution through their monologue. This is the Soul-u-tion* that breaks through the ego and reaches back to the heart of the matter. Great emotion can well up in this moment or the instinct to “fight and flee”. Yet, what is heard will be authentic and rewarding as the gift of truth has been delivered without interruption. A mantra to consider to keep focused is conscious listening and the directed intention to hear into the heart.
- You are not the judge, but you can share your vision in this moment – Deep breath to begin this stage of the break down as what you have heard may feel earth shattering. This is the time for you to speak your authentic truth and how you see the relationship or situation by sharing your images, thoughts, and desires. Here is where the veil of illusion is lifted or disillusion presents itself to be either repaired or removed. Be considerate to not too quickly empathize with your partner as they may not be ready to hear you and could conceive your words with motives you don’t have. The best place to go from here is to provide physical space and reconvene to discuss a resolution.
With two self-aware partners, this exercise is remains important as we are always reminded we have work to do from the inside out and our partner is the planted seed to grow our unsightly weeds to be plucked. With those early on the journey to self-awareness, one may feel slighted and caught in an ego-trap that may take days or even months to come to terms with or how to handle the events that have come to pass. In either scenario, the truth will set both free.
One more thought to consider is to always be mindful with our intention. The intention we are practicing is to pick up the meta-message behind the behavior by only listening to our partner while bringing the received awareness to the seed of our relationship; holding it like an upset child. By embracing the real pain, space becomes available to heal. By being mindful we can stay on course to keep our own agendas on the back-burner and cater to the other.
Expression of emotion is healthy. Communication helps us to strengthen our ideas of each other in relationship and perhaps, keep us on track. Allowing time to grieve, undo confusion milling in the mind, or even venting frustration, by giving the other permission to express in a safe space, can be the key to staying together and cultivating long-term partnership.
Love Courageously! JustLOVE
*Soulshine’s Soul-u-tion is a subsidiary of Love Exposed, created and developed by Sherri Schultz. The Soul-u-tion is the uncovering of the Divine Spirit through mindful practice using sound, sensation, and scribe.