Dysfunctional childhoods can permeate into the child’s adult hood. It has been said that 95% of psychologists entered the field due to painful relationships. One problem is that the term dysfunction can present in numerous ways. The real problem occurs when the person thinks their life is normal and remains for decades in an unfulfilled relationship. While others just get a label and perhaps some psychiatric medication to make them feel that they can now fit in with society.
In fact in the new DSM (Diagnostic Manual for Psychiatric Diagnosis) they just came out with a new diagnosis for, “Non-conformity”, which will now be a reason to get placed on psychiatric medication. http://themindunleashed.org/2013/11/nonconformity-and-freethinking-now.html . Now the drug companies can make billions off of dysfunctional families abnormal behavior.
1) One major blind spot from dysfunctional families is the child learns that he is unworthy of attention and love. Thus one tends to overstay in unfulfilled relationships because this seems like every day normal life to never get one’s needs met.
2) The child grows up completely denying his own feelings while sacrificing one’s life for making sure everyone’s else’s needs and feelings get met.
3) The child grows up thinking that outside circumstances are the result of why he is not happy. He can get stuck thinking the outside world control’s his fate and get stuck in blame and resentment. Thus never learning the lesson behind the situation.
4) The child grows up with no barometer to truly know if a person cares about him or not. The adult child thinks any kind of attention means love. Thus when an emotionally needy person gives them attention it appears like love. The problem is the cycle only perpetuates to the next generation since his needs never get met since the needy person is the only one whose needs end up getting met.
5) The child grows up thinking love means that he feels needed by others. This is especially common with children of alcoholics who played the caretaker of the parent. They might become extreme givers and guess whose needs never get met into adulthood.
6) The child grows up thinking that something is wrong with him. Thus that child grows up and marries a mate who tells him something is wrong with him since this is what he believes already. Now he can spend years trying to improve himself in self-development workshops or by reading self-help books.
7) If your parent ignored you, your subconscious mind might create a core belief that nobody wants me. Thus you purposely are attracted to people who reject you based on this core belief that you make a reality.
8) The child can have a propensity to grow up with a theme of fear in his life. He makes the majority of decisions based on fear instead of love. This fear stems from desperately wanted to be accepted and approved of by others.
9) The child from a dysfunctional family might have severe abandonment issues which leads to controlling behavior of their loved ones. These abandonment issues can result in them being entirely too sensitive to any form of criticism. This can produce worry and fear at the mere smell of rejection by a friend or partner. Perhaps even getting upset if a text or email is not returned rather than just realizing the person is just too busy.
10) The child from a dysfunctional family might be too judgmental as a way to protect himself from being hurt or abandoned. The child grew up learning to judge himself and thus carries it into his adult life.
11) The child grows up learning to focus on everything he does not want to occur in his life. This is because he is still overly focused on avoiding any harsh realities.
12) The child grows up never getting all his needs met. Next, he thinks this is normal behavior and never questions the unhealthy relationship partners in his life.